here's something to think about.

one of the truest things ever.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

Elizabeth Kubler Ross

"because someone has to remember..."

I just finished reading "The Sorceress" by Michael Scott.
Book Three in "The Secrets of The Immortal Nicholas Flamel".
Brilliant book, I must say.
The series is just mind-blowing. Unexpected twists, surprising characters, friends at the most unexpected moments and chaos when you don't need any.
Michael Scott is wonderful. My favorite characters from the third book would have to fall to the new ally, William Shakespeare. I wouldn't have expected him to make an appearance in the book. But then again, Joan of Arc in the second book was a delightful surprise.
Though my adoration fall much deeper for the crazy Majesty, Gilgamesh.
and his quotes shall be posted in my blog, even though they are fiction.
it seems right, and there's a whole grain of truth in these words.
enjoy!
oh, and do yourself a favor, grab a copy.
you'll enjoy this series.
no doubt. :)

“I like places like this," he announced.

I like old places too," Josh said, "but what's to like about a place like this?"

The king spread his arms wide. "What do you see?"
Josh made a face. "Junk. Rusted tractor, broken plow, old bike."
Ahh...but I see a tractor that was once used to till these fields. I see the plow it once pulled. I see a bicycle carefully placed out of harm's way under a table."
Josh slowly turned again, looking at the items once more.
And i see these things and I wonder at the life of the person who carefully stored the precious tractor and plow in the barn out of the weather, and placed their bike under a homemade table."
Why do you wonder?" Josh asked. "Why is it even important?"
Because someone has to remember," Gilgamesh snapped, suddenly irritated. "Some one has to remember the human who rode the bike and drove the tractor, the person who tilled the fields, who was born and lived and died, who loved and laughed and cried, the person who shivered in the cold and sweated in the sun." He walked around the barn again, touching each item, until his palm were red with rust." It is only when no one remembers, that you are truely lost. That is the true death.”
― Michael Scott, The Sorceress

“I spend all my time trying to keep thoughts away and ignore them....But here you are, trying to remember your own life, writing your thoughts down so that you don't forget. I suddenly realized what it would be like not to know, not to remember.”
― Sophie Newman, The Sorceress  

“we are nothing more than the sum of our memories.”
― Gilgamesh, The Sorceress 

“it is only when no one remembers that you are truly lost. That is the true death.”
― Gilgamesh, The Sorceress 

"What are you remembering now, Gilgamesh?" 

The King pressed his index finger into the page, rubbing silver tears into the paper. "The day someone cared enough to shed a tear for me."

- Michael Scott, The Sorceress

"In my youth I was taught that at the heart of every story is a grain of truth." 

-Bastet  

be free.

and there's more truth than I could express from what's been said above.
some days, things will go better than expected, but right away before you go to sleep, you find yourself having been hiding the emptiness all day, and finally you let out a breath.
I don't know how ridiculous that sounds.
or how peculiar life works.
we all ask questions that takes time to be answered.
but some times all you get is an unexplainable understanding.
something that can't be put beyond words.
but that's all you need.
that's all you've ever really asked for, too.

it doesn't matter if you're surrounded by good people and your days are filled with what should be the happiest moments of your life.
sometimes you just feel a little sad.
I suppose we're selfish that way.
but personally, I cannot help it.
I am still grateful, thankful.
but there are certain moments when the sadness just won't fade away.
and I don't think anyone could understand that but me.
as I wouldn't understand yours but you.
It's funny how we can't survive without one another, but has this need to be in solitude.

I cherish how happiness hits me in the most ordinary, unexpected ways.
I don't know how that works, honestly. but it's one of the best feelings in the world.
It's like having the world in your hand, you feel free, like you could do anything.
and deep down you believe, everything's going to be okay.
even if today's the worst day of your life.
nothing's going to change the fact that you're going to keep on living, you're going to keep on trying to be happy, and you're going to dream as much as you want to.
believe that you are free.
I used to think that we are all, indeed - free. that there's nothing and no one who can keep us from the things we want, or the happiness we have all been pursuing.
but that's not the case anymore.
we are imprisoned in our own minds, society's expectations and everything around us.
we are bound to be someone we're not, and we are somehow dragged far away from our good hearts.
we turn into monsters, almost too easily.
it's not fair,
but it's the terrible truth.

so free yourself.
from whatever is keeping you still.
make a move.
don't limit, be infinite. 
this is your life.
live it, at the very least.
be good.
do good.
live good.
it's not so hard, if you look into yourself.
you are, the answer you've been looking for all along.

good night.

let's be happy.

#photoshoot on February 2, 2012

there were no classes yesterday, so I decided to use the free time I have to take some shots of my friend, Olivia.
the results were pretty good.
she's a gorgeous model to work with, I'm pretty happy with the results of this photoshoot. what do you guys think?

when beauty hits.

beauty has this way of taking me for a joyful ride.
it didn't matter what time of day it is, or what sort of situation I'm in, when beauty reveals itself, I get lost in it almost instantly.
and for those sweet moments I would never trade for anything in my life, I feel absolute happiness and gratitude.
these feelings I tend to forget quite easily, and I hate myself for that sometimes.
but whenever it arises, it always manage to remind me of the beauty that is life, and I could never get enough of it.
I would drown myself in joy, even if it is something no one else could understand.
this beauty, it could be anything - and that's the best part.
it could be the skyline, the night stars, it could be sunset, or it could be a friend, or a taxi driver, or a stranger on a sidewalk, or a car, or a book, or a place - anything, anyone at all.
and I find myself to be quite tearful at times like this.
I don't think many people understood me this way, how I always feel like crying whenever I see something so beautiful.
my heart will be filled with love, and if it came from a person - I truly found myself wanting to marry them.
it changes me, in a lot of different ways.
and that's one thing I would always be grateful for.
it's one thing that I find to be the jewels in this life.
I see beauty, everywhere I lay my eyes upon.
isn't that wonderful?

to fall in love.

It couldn't have been said any better.
The picture above, or perhaps "typography" would be a better word for it - explains me in a way I thought wasn't possible to be put into words.
I fall in love, very easily. It wasn't something I could explain, or something I thought anyone would understand - I do know how weird it is to fall in love so easily. But that's what I do.
Does that mean I gave my heart away to a charming fella every single time I meet them? No. 
It's not like, I'm madly in love with everyone in my life and would like to marry each and everyone of them in turns.
It's not that kind of love.
It's a love that can't be explained, but a love I could feel wholeheartedly.
It's a beautiful feeling, a magnificent thing.
I would read something on the internet and suddenly my heart will leap out of my chest, and I feel this wholesome freedom and affection for whoever comes up with the thing that I read.
It could be a simple, smart joke. Or a genius philosophy.
It could be anything.
I was always afraid I'm playing around with "love", saying it oh so often and throwing it out all over the places.
But I realized that what I felt was truly, deeply, undeniably - love.
And it's like meeting someone who touched your heart, even for a split second, and in return, you feel affection towards that said person.
It doesn't seem like it's a real thing, does it?
But it is.
That person, however faraway he may be, or how much of a stranger she may be - has changed me. Has affected me, one way or another.
and I think I'm thankful to those people, even if I couldn't remember each and everyone.
They are there, I'm sure.
They have been around, I'm sure.
And that's all I really need.
It still amazes me how love, would strike like a lightning in the most unexpected times.
If I could fall in love with perfect strangers,
I am trying to imagine how much I'd love someone who I love, with all my heart - and I actually know him.

:)

to wake up in the morning.

just a few years ago, I'd wake up in the morning realizing that life was tough.
but it was only tough for me, and not for the rest of the world.
not my friends, not my family.
even if I had the knowledge that they were going through a lot of crap - I'd still think that I'm the one with the most enormous problem on Earth.
I was selfish that way.

a few months ago, I'd wake up in the morning realizing that life is tough for everybody.
for the past six months, things have been sizzling hot well for me. I was exactly where I want to be, and even if I got tangled in places where I'd rather not be, it didn't really bother me that much. I would, sooner or later, get to the good stuff anyway.
I know everyone is fighting a hard battle, with something on their minds, but the struggle was an abstract form of realization that took place with growing up.
that wasn't put into more thoughts, or in anyway matter.
it was a knowledge, in safe-keeping.

in the past few weeks, I have been waking up in the morning that everyone was actually at war.
it didn't matter if they put on a happy face in front of everyone, it didn't matter if they looked like they were actually happy and content with their lives.
I've come to realize that no one, and nothing is what it seems.
it's all a mask we put on every morning,
some of us don't even know it's there. until the day comes and we've all had enough.

what hit me was...
realizing that I really didn't know anyone or everyone at all.
what I had all this time, was small glimpses of their personality, their life.
the moment I thought I know them inside and out has vanished completely, welcome adulthood.
I'm not sure how I like life better,
to be safe in the knowledge of knowing everything,
or to only know some things, and be curious about the other unknowns.

I'm growing up.
the thought scares me.
what's worse is everyone else is growing up alongside myself.
and we are all struggling to survive, to be successful.
it seems like everything's just a matter of a precisely planned steps,
it's so much more than that.
to have met the people in my life,
to have known what some of them are going through,
to realize that everyone has it differently and we can't, for the slightest moment, place ourselves in their shoes ---
it's really not a small thing to take in.

I was watching Glee a couple nights ago, and one of the latest episodes was titled "Hold on to sixteen".
I wish I was sixteen.
Things were simpler then.
And I do recall thinking it was such a mess and I wanted it to pass.
I have what I have now,
I'm eighteen.
So I'm going to hold on to eighteen.
It's all I've got. For now.
I'm still on the ride of a lifetime. 

you could sleep forever.

I've been talking for quite some time now to other people - strangers on the Internet, people around me - to never lose hope. To keep on fighting. To always, always believe everything is going to be okay.
At the end of the day, all I'm really trying to tell them is this - don't kill yourself.

But I didn't know. I didn't know that they had that much pain in them. That much hurt in their soul - that the hopelessness subsides and took over them entirely until a point where they just stop believing they could go on and take the easy way out of all the mess and the shit and the crap they're going through.

Until today, I had no idea such pain existed. Perhaps i've known when it comes to myself. I hurt quite easily, but other people? I didn't know enough to realize that humans are weak creatures and they are helpless by default. The strength? The faith? Not everyone has it. Even the strongest ones may break when the time is at its absolute worst.

I didn't know, until I see the look in her eyes. Someone I have known my whole entire life, someone I consider to be close with. Someone I truly cared about. I had no idea what kind of pain she's dealing with. It's not just heartache, it's much more than that.
The hollow eyes, the strength I used to see in her vanishes before my eyes - like it was never even there. How peculiar it really is.

It didn't matter that she was pretty and successful. She was broken, she is suddenly drowning in the exhaustion she didn't even know existed - and she wanted to sleep, for a long as it was possible.

I had to sit there an stare, for only a couple of minutes, while she told me between her tears what happened. Not everything, just a little bit. And even then i couldn't hear much because her voice was hoarse and little. I had to wonder, Look back to everyone I know who's going through something - they are all in a war. A war unknown to the rest of the world. A war they have to win on their own. The worst part is losing all the power you had, when the battle starts. You haven't got any left, and that's why it's so darn exhausting.

I am terrified for what's to come.
I don't know if I am strong enough or this life.
But I am NOT giving up.
I can't.
Because there will be a rainbow after the storm, we all just have to hold on a little longer for it to pass.

Thank God for motivations.
Thank goodness for faith.
Thank you for all the people that could and would help us through all the mess.
It's a cruel world, but it isn't so bad.
I do believe in happy endings. I can't tell you everything's going to be okay anymore, I have a feeling you can't penetrate through the thick walls of hopelessness. But i'd tell you that i'll be there for you. I'll be here.
Someone will be there for you. Will be here with you.
You're not alone, you are loved.
The pain will go away.
Don't stop believing.